Ode of Hate to Mary Sues
by Quinn Anderson
Summary: A series of poems reflecting my anger towards all the fics out there containing Mary sue characters. Inspired by a friend of mine. If you like Mary sues, don't read this. Seriously.
1. Chapter 1

Well, this is a bit different from what I'm used to writing… This is a one-shot, in poetry form, which will be used to express my deep-seated hatred for all things Mary-sue, especially when it comes to all the Inuyasha fics involving these ridiculous characters. Inspired by my friend Mithrenriene Rochmabriel who wrote one of these for Lord of the Rings.

Note: do not read if you are a fan of Mary-sues. You have been warned, so don't blame me if this angers you.

…

_Ah_

_The Mary-Sue._

_An object of eternal mystery._

_Emphasis on 'object.' _

_Why_

_Do they continue to spawn so rapidly?_

_What_

_Is it that so many of us see in them?_

_Why_

_Can't they understand_

_That there is no 'other' member of Inuyasha's crew?_

_There is no inu youkai princess_

_For Sesshoumaru to fall madly in love with._

_Naraku did NOT have another reincarnation_

_Who seeks Inuyasha's blood,_

_And somehow convinces him to fall for her,_

_Even as she dazzles him with her 'skills' and 'beauty.'_

_Why_

_Oh why_

_Can't you all just die?_

_Why_

_Don't you realize_

_That Kagome does NOT have a sister,_

_And Kagome is NOT dead_

_So Inuyasha cannot turn to you, Mary-sue_

_For comfort. _

_Kagura does not have a twin,_

_Who is inherently good, and who all will love for her goodness._

_She does not._

_Why can't you understand that, Mary-sue?_

_Also, Sesshoumaru's father was NOT a rapist,_

_Who now serves no purpose_

_Other than to force Sesshoumaru into a marriage with you_

_For no apparent reason._

_That _

_Is_

_Just _

_Wrong. _

_Inuyasha will never save you, Mary-sue,_

_From a pack of wild demons._

_He will never happen to see you bathing some night_

_And fall instantly in love._

_Kikyo and Kagome will never try to kill you out of spite,_

_Because apparently you have stolen all their men away._

_Kagome and Kikyo are alive._

_So Inuyasha will not be falling in love with you any time soon._

_Neither will Sesshoumaru._

_Neither will Naraku._

_Neither will Miroku,_

_If you're the type who likes perverts. _

_Ah_

_Mary-sue,_

_You make it so hard to keep a straight face,_

_While you are throwing yourself,_

_At all our favorite characters. _

_Shinde, baka! _

_Owari._

So, what did you guys think? I thought it hit most of my major pet-peeves with Mary-sues, so I'm satisfied. BTW: don't be offended by this if you happen to be a fan of Mary-sues. Some people like them, most people don't. That's just how it is. I'm entitled to my opinion, so don't go reporting me if you're angry, or you have a fic that's similar to one of the ones I listed. I wasn't talking about any particular fic when I wrote this, just OC fics as a whole.


	2. The Bashing Continues

A/N: Yeah, I know, I said this was going to be a one shot…but I got so many cool reviews! Really I had no choice but to write a sequel! Eh…lame excuse, but I'm sure you will all forgive me once you read my latest addition of 'Ode of Hate to Mary Sues: The bashing continues.' This one isn't directed towards any particular anime like the first chapter, but I think it will go over well. Enjoy. And if you really like it, be sure to leave a review saying as much.

…

_Ah, the Mary sue,_

_You fascinate me so. _

_The way you screw up my favorite animes,_

_And generally add ten slut points to everything you touch._

_Children cringe when they hear your name,_

_For no one should be that peppy,_

_Without being shot…_

_Several times. _

_Why is it,_

_That you only ever seem to come in two or three varieties?_

_Why are you always an exotic princess?_

_Or a fierce warrior that seems to have dropped from nowhere,_

_To land in the middle of a plot,_

_To which you don't belong,_

_And always manage to screw up?_

_Why…_

_Do you always end up being the most skilled dancer in your village?_

_Is your village that small?_

_Why…_

_Are you always half-fairy, quarter-demon, quarter-water nymph,_

_Or some other insane hybrid of beasts?_

_Can't you just stick with screwing up one race?_

_Or do you have to shame them all? _

_Whatever. _

_It's impossible to understand you…_

_And easier to just laugh,_

_As you try so hard to look cool,_

_But really just look like you must be in Special Ed. _

_Someday…you'll find the right man for you,_

_And he'll probably be your first cousin, named Ed, ironically._

_In the meantime, _

_Do us all a favor,_

_And contract an STD. _

_We all know you will eventually, _

_With the way you whore around._

_Why not speed up the process?_

_The end. _

Ha, this one was much more sinister, but I like it. Truthful, as always. Well, be sure to tell me what you think. If I get enough reviews, and any more ideas (unlikely…I've covered most of the bases) I may just write another chapter. If anyone has anything they'd like me to add, speak now or I will throw you to the Sues.


	3. On canon chars, SI, and Kago x Sessh

A/N: Wow…there are so many people I need to credit chapters to…I guess I'll start with the people who gave me the ideas that are featured in this installment of everyone's favorite Sue-bashing poem. Thanks to **Anne** and **Kyoumi **and **NightShadows131 **for sparking inspiration. There are other people who will have their ideas used in later chapters, so hold on tight until then. If anyone else wants to submit an idea, leave me a review and I'll gladly credit you in the chapter that it's used in.

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my blinding hatred for Mary Sues. I think we can all be proud of that.

…

_Canon characters. _

_They sound important don't they?_

_Not to a Sue. _

_What do you think Sues are for?_

_They sneak into our favorite animes,_

_And are always more beautiful_

_And skillful_

_And intelligent_

_Than the main characters._

_In other words, _

_the characters that actually matter. _

_The Mary Sue always seems to have a more tortured past._

_She's suffered this great tragedy,_

_Yet has remained ever kind and gentle,_

_Kind of like Cinderella,_

_Only in our eyes,_

_Sues are more like,_

_the wicked stepsister. _

_Oh, authors,_

_Can't you see?_

_You're not fooling anyone,_

_When you stick a Mary Sue in a story. _

_We all know what you're really doing. _

_You're trying to place yourself, _

_(Well, a 'better' version of yourself)_

_in with your favorite anime men. _

_It's one thing if you have, _

_a sick fantasy life, _

_It's another if you clutter up my fandoms,_

_With your stupid attempts at making yourself perfect. _

_Which brings me,_

_To another point._

_Self-insertion fics. _

_Excuse me as I practice my projectile vomiting. _

_Enough said. _

_There's one more point I have to make, _

_Which will give Mary Sues a break, _

_From my constant bashing of them. _

_This goes out to all you fangirls,_

_Who love your Kagome x Sesshoumaru. _

_It's one thing to write a fic,_

_It's another to write the same fic fifty thousand times. _

_Basic Kag x Sesh plotline—_

_Kagome becomes Sesshoumaru's mate after:_

_a) Kagome saw InuYasha with Kikyo _

_b) InuYasha died _

_c) Kagome got kidnapped by Sesshoumaru _

_d) Kagome got kidnapped by Naraku and saved by Sesshoumaru._

_Why,_

_Can't you ever,_

_Write about something else?_

_For those few of you who have,_

_I applaud you. _

_Somehow,_

_You have managed to break free,_

_Of yet another overdone,_

_Overplayed,_

_Overdramatic,_

_Overdose of stupidity. _

_The end. _

A/N: Man, I just keep getting meaner and meaner. This time I know I offended someone. Just know, those of you who aren't too busy lighting torches and gathering pitchforks to still be reading this, I say it all in a spirit of good-natured parody. Write whatever you want with whatever characters you want. It's your right. And, after all, if it weren't for Mary Sues, I wouldn't have this poem. Happy readings, and be sure to review me with questions/comments/suggestions. Also, I have a livejournal that you may want to check out: http/ www . livejournal . com/users/hieiaijin1410/


	4. Chapter 4

Alright, everyone, this is the last installment of my 'Ode'. That's right, last chapter, last chapter! And this one will be devoted to a facet of Mary Sues that often goes unnoticed: their male counterparts. That's right, the Marty Stus of the world are going under the microscope. I hope you enjoy, and be sure to leave reviews! This is your last chance to do so and tell me what you think.

…

_I once thought,_

_There could never be_

_Something more repulsive than my ever-loathed,_

_Mary Sue. _

_But now I have come across,_

_A brand new atrocity. _

_A mutated, cleverly-disguised form of Sue, _

_That sickens me all the more,_

_Since I am a yaoi fangirl at heart._

_It wasn't enough to create a legion of whiny female brats, was it?_

_I say this to all the Suethors out there, _

_Who thought it necessary to branch their evil ways out,_

_To include,_

_The little known,_

_But ever so crucial,_

_Marty Stu. _

_Also known as:_

_Murray Stu_

_Harry Stu_

_Gary Stu,_

_And the even rarer "Airy Ooh". _

_Male characters have it hard enough,_

_Dealing with all the dopey anime girls out there,_

_Always shouting, "KAWAII!" at the top of their lungs,_

_And pulling on clothes that leave less to the imagination,_

_Than a Harry Potter book. _

_But now,_

_They have been absorbed into the hateful, brainless world of Mary Sues,_

_And even into my own special yaoi universe._

_That is a sacred line that you have crossed, Suethors,_

_And with this poem,_

_I like to think,_

_That as much as you have made me suffer,_

_I have made you suffer as well. _

_Why,_

_Do you think it's okay,_

_To create a male character,_

_For the soul purpose of making him jealous of Inuyasha,_

_Or any other cannon male, for that matter?_

_Do you really like the thought,_

_Of breeding your OCs like junkyard bunnies,_

_For as stupid of a purpose,_

_As that?_

_They litter my fiction like half-formed thoughts,_

_Never appearing for more than a chapter at a time,_

_And more often than not,_

_Changing personalities halfway through a fic. _

_Wasn't that Marty Stu seething with rage just a paragraph ago? _

_If so, _

_Why does he claim to be,_

_Kagome's best friend now?_

_Is it some plot twist?_

_How can it be a twist, _

_When it's ever so predictable?_

_Miroku will be jealous of Sango's 'interest' in a Marty Stu,_

_Again,_

_And again,_

_And again. _

_Surely you can think of something new?_

_Or maybe not. _

_And for the few Marty Stus,_

_Who actually appear in yaoi,_

_I pity them._

_Those poor,_

_Man whores._

_They live in Naraku's harem,_

_Or lie at Sesshoumaru's feet._

_They're even less important, _

_Than the Mary Sue sluts,_

_Who at least manage to win their man in the end. _

_If you can call it winning._

_I call it ludicrous. _

_But now,_

_I must refrain from commenting further on the subject._

_My IQ has suffered enough as it is. _

_As a final note,_

_To you lovers of Mary Sues:_

_Your plot lines are redundant,_

_And your hair is not really purple. _

_And for all you Marty Stus out there,_

_Be strong._

_The teenage fangirls who create you for stories,_

_Will surely tire of your whorish ways soon,_

_And possibly let you out of Inuyasha's closet,_

_Any minute now,_

_Ta. _

The End.


End file.
